Therefore we came up with the idea of the Dad of the poorer girl being violent to her at the end.
Here is a copy of the new edited script that we came up with:
INT. SCHOOL, CLASSROOM, DAY
Two people sitting in class during registration. Both look bored. Bell rings and whole class get up and rush out.
The people meet up in the corridor. A tracking shot follows them as they walk down the corridor and out of the school building.
PERSON 1
I’m so glad we’re out!
Two people sitting in class during registration. Both look bored. Bell rings and whole class get up and rush out.
The people meet up in the corridor. A tracking shot follows them as they walk down the corridor and out of the school building.
PERSON 1
I’m so glad we’re out!
PERSON 2
I know! That teacher is the worst one in school!
PERSON 1
Tell me about it. Trust us to land him as our form tutor as well.
PERSON 2
I had detention with him the other day. You know he spits when he talks?
PERSON 1
(Interrupts) I know! I hate that!
PERSON 2
(laughs) Anyway, by the end of the hour I needed an umbrella.
PERSON 1
Gross!
Both stop walking once they are outside the school gates to continue their conversation.
PERSON 1
Tell me about it, at least it’s Claire’s party tomorrow. You are going right?
PERSON 2
(Reluctant, hesitant): Oh yeah. I don’t think I can make it.
PERSON 1
(Surprised) Why?
PERSON 2
I’ve got work.
PERSON 1
Can’t you just take the day off?
PERSON 2
(Nervous laughter) I can’t just take the day off, they might fire me. I need the money anyway.
PERSON 1
(Looks sheepish) Oh yeah, sorry I forgot.
PERSON 2
(Smiles) It’s okay. I’ll come to the next one.
PERSON 1
(Grins) Good.
Person 1 spots her mum’s car.
PERSON 1
I have to go, there’s my mum. See you later, and don’t forget to UP YOUR VIVA!
PERSON 2
(Really laughing) See you later!
EXT. DAYTIME. BUS STOP. CONTINUED
Person 2 waiting for a bus. She shivers and pulls coat further around her. Looks sad and sighs to herself. Bus comes and Person 2 gets on and goes to sit at the back. Takes I-pod out and song plays; Eminem - Beautiful.
INT. PERSON 2 MUM’S CAR. CONTINUED
Song from previous scene carries over to playing from the car CD player.
MUM
What are you listening to?
PERSON 1
(Rolls eyes) Mum, I always tell you this. It’s Eminem’s new album.
MUM
You kids. How was school?
PERSON 2
It was okay; Mr Flowers set us loads of homework though.
MUM
Well you better make sure you do it when you get in.
PERSON 1
(Moaning) But mum! It’s X-Factor tonight and I want to see Jedward!
MUM
Oh not those twins! That welsh girl should have got through. That Simon Cowell needs his head testing.
PERSON 1
(Exasperated) But she’s boring. Jedward are actually fun to watch.
MUM
Whatever you say dear. Any plans for the weekend?
PERSON 1
Oh yeah, it’s Claire’s party. I need to get something to wear.
MUM
(Smiling) Does that mean you need money to go shopping?
PERSON 1
(Cheekily) Well if you’re offering...
MUM
Okay. I’ll give you some later. Is Jade going?
PERSON 1
No, she’s working.
MUM
Again? She should take some time off. It’s not healthy to work as much as she does.
PERSON 1
That’s what I said. But she said she needs the money.
MUM
(Tuts) You’d think her parents would pay for her. Come on, I want to get home for Deal or No Deal.
Mum starts the car and drives away.
EXT. EARLY EVENING. PERSON 1 AND 2 GARDEN.
Person 2 walking up the garden path. Garden is in a bit of a mess. Takes her key out and puts it in the door. Then switches to a split screen of both person’s 1 and 2 putting their keys in the door simultaneously. Both doors open and they walk into their houses both at the same time. Doors slam and camera goes back to normal.
INT. EVENING. PERSON 2 AT HOME.
Walks into the living room and puts bag down. On the table is a note from her dad saying he’s at the pub and there’s some change for a takeaway. Next to the note is a few pound coins. Person 2 sighs, puts the note down and goes into the kitchen where she opens a cupboard. It is empty except for a loaf of bread and a few tins. The fridge is equally as sparse. Going back to the cupboard she gets one of the tins out and a saucepan. She opens the tin and pours it into the saucepan which she then places on the cooker. She walks back into the living room and puts the television on and sits on the sofa to watch it. As she does she glances across at a photograph on the wall. The camera slowly zooms into it so the audience can see what it’s a photo of. It’s her mother, who passed away, leaving behind a hopeless father who drinks away his wages. It offers an insight for why Person 2 is poor, and has to work instead of going out with her friends.
INT. PERSON 2 AT HOME.
It’s bright in comparison to Person 2’s house. It’s loud and family orientated. Person 1 is sat on the sofa with a laptop watching TV.
PERSON 1
(Shouting) Mum, what’s for dinner?
MUM
Chicken and potatoes. Do you want vegetables?
PERSON 1
Eurgh no thanks.
MUM
You should eat them you know, not everyone is as lucky as you.
PERSON 1
(Rolls eyes) Whatever Mum.
She gets her food and begins to eat. Goes to split screen of both people eating their dinners, watching television. Audience sees the stark contrast in their lives. Person 2 is alone in a dark house with only the television for company, eating beans. Person 1 is sitting with her mum in the bright living room watching television, talking occasionally with a home cooked dinner.
INT. MORNING.
Split screen of person’s 1 and 2 getting up to begin their days. Person 2 gets out work uniform, begins to iron. Person 1 standing in front of full wardrobe picking out something to wear.
INT. DAY. MORNING.
Still a split screen of the girls going through their rituals. Person 2 boils the kettle. Goes to full screen of her. Enters living room and looks at picture of her mother. Begins monologue.
PERSON 1
(Muttering) I wish you were here mum. I miss you. I had detention with Mr Flowers the other week. At parents evenings you always used to moan about him spitting. It always makes me laugh when I think of it, not so good when he’s shouting and I’m laughing. When Nan used to tell me I was lucky to have you, I didn’t realise how right she was. Well, I didn’t realise I’d find out what it was like to not have you.
Kettle finishes boiling, returns to the kitchen. Gets a mug, pours water into it. Puts teabag in and realises there’s no milk. She sighs and makes her way to the front door. Pauses before she leaves the house.
Bye mum, I’ll see you later.
Exits the house.
Then a couple of hours later, we have a split screen of person’s 1 and 2 returning from their day. Shot of them coming through their front doors. Person 1 is in her work uniform, comes in and slumps down in a chair. Person 2 comes in with lots of shopping bags and also slumps in a chair.
Returns to full screen shot of person 1’s home.
MUM
Will you take your bags up please?
PERSON 1
(Tuts) I only just sat down
MUM
Oh it’s a hard life isn’t it?
PERSON 1
(Carrying bags upstairs) Whatever...
Returns to full screen of Person 1’s house. Her dad enters the room.
DAD
Enjoy your cup of tea this morning?
PERSON 2
What?
DAD
Your cup of tea you made this morning? Are you incapable of washing up a cup?!
PERSON 2
Oh sorry, I forgot. I was in a rush, I was running late.
DAD
Oh so you can’t even get up on time for fucking work?! They’ll dock your wages for being late y’know?
PERSON 2
I wasn’t late for work; I just woke up late so I had to get ready quick. I didn’t have time to wash up a stupid cup!
DAD
A stupid cup? I go to work all day earning money so that you can live in this house and you treat it like a shithole!
Person 1 gets up to leave. As she goes past him he grabs her by the arm.
DAD
Where d’you think you’re going?
PERSON 2
Leave me alone!
The dad then raises his arm as if to hit the girl round the face. The shot freezes just before he makes contact, and goes to black and white.
We then get a shot of person 2 in her room trying on her new clothes. Her phone begins to ring and there’s a close up shot of her phone showing that person 1 is ringing her. Person 2 ignores the call so that she can continue trying on outfits.
Returns to person 1’s bedroom, where she has the phone to her ear, with a bruise coming up on her face. Scene ends with a shot of her face looking very depressed and lonely.
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